This is going to be longer and more awkward than my usual entries. For an explanation and other posts in the “Diary of an Anime Lived” series, click here.
…
When getting to know other fans, eventually this question always comes up: “So what’s your favorite anime?” I don’t really know why it does; it’s hard enough having a favorite ice cream flavor or a favorite color, don’t you think? There’s just so much anime out there, and none of it is perfect. But I’ve had time to mull it over, and I believe I’ve come to a satisfactory answer: My favorite anime is Video Girl Ai.
It’s an odd choice, all things considered. People don’t get why I put so much value in a six-episode OVA from 1992, about a girl who magically pops out of a VHS tape. Long before Akikan! and Chokotto Sister, back when people bought expensive Laserdiscs to watch Oh My Goddess, Video Girl Ai was one of the first shows I ever watched. You have to understand that I was quite enchanted with the idea as a teenager.
But as I’ve gotten older and discarded other shows from my youth, I’ve found that Video Girl Ai’s meaning has only appreciated with time. What was once a kitschy, slightly perverted piece of entertainment has taken on a bit more sentimental value.
Okay, time for the awkward part: I have been single my entire life. I can count the number of dates I’ve been on with one hand, and every one of those affairs has ended in spectacular misery. The most common advice is just to shrug and say, “If they don’t like me, it’s their problem.” But I find it hard to be so cavalier in practice. After a succession of failures and not a single success, it’s far more tempting to ask:
“What’s going on here? I don’t think I’m hideous. I don’t think I’m a douchebag. I’m active, I have goals and interests, I cook and clean, I’m polite, I mean for god’s sake at least I bathe. How do other people make it look so easy? Am I boring? Am I undesirable? Shit, is it because I like anime? Can people tell? Do I just give off some creepy vibe that everyone else can sense but me? Why am I failing at this? What’s wrong with me?” And so on.
But after multiple rewatches over the years, Video Girl Ai has given me two valuable lessons in perspective, which I’ll share with you now.
(Video contains the intro and opening of episode 1. Please watch; it’s golden.)
Lesson the First: Love human beings, not fantasies.
The first few minutes of Video Girl Ai might seem disturbing from a contemporary perspective. Ai is an artificial construct, one of many “Video Girls” created by the gods to comfort lonely men. Our hero Youta is nursing an unrequited love, and it’s precisely when everything seems hopeless that Amano Ai enters his life. From just that synopsis, it’s easy to make a comparison to modern-day otaku escapism and the moe complex.
But the brilliant part is that Ai isn’t just a fantasy given form. After she emerges from Youta’s shitty VCR, Ai is quite different from her video: She’s rude, she’s childish, she can’t cook nearly as well as she says, and at the start she only has so much patience for Youta before she wants to hit him. But ironically enough, because of all these flaws Ai comes across as more “real” than Youta’s human crush, Moemi, who is attractive and pleasant, but about as interesting as a plastic cutting board. Which love is real, and which is the fantasy?
Consider the eternal question– “Why doesn’t s/he love me?” Taking the above in mind, frankly, it’s because they aren’t residents of your fantasy world where you’re the obvious choice for them. Beyond that, it doesn’t matter why. They just don’t, and you have to deal. On one hand, it means you have to come to terms with not being in control. But on the other hand, there’s also no need to stress. No matter how many shiny idols you construct around someone, they’re still human, and they’re going to feel what they feel regardless, both good and bad.
Does that help me deal? Yes, sometimes it does.
(From here on in, I’m talking about the ending of the OVA. The manga goes on quite a bit further from this point, but consider it fair warning.)
Lesson the Second: Life continues after the confession.
Most romantic comedies end after the main characters admit that they like each other. There are some refreshing exceptions (His and Her Circumstances, Lovely Complex), but as noted, they’re exceptions. Video Girl Ai isn’t so much better in that regard, but it has one memorable stroke of genius: Youta’s final test in the video world and his painful climb up the glass staircase of love.
That scene is hard to watch, but the allegory is unforgettable: In pursuit of love, you’re going to get hurt, cut to pieces, messed up in ways you didn’t even think possible. Even when you know you love someone, there’s no guaranteed happiness anywhere. Youta is aware at least that he doesn’t just want to get laid, but that doesn’t make his feelings any stronger or more permanent. By loving Ai, he is making a gamble, just like everyone gambles, betting on their integrity and the strength of their hearts.
After we get to the first date, we could worry about the second, and then the third, and then the appropriate time to call someone your girlfriend/boyfriend, and on and on. We could worry about the future and the inevitable end. Or we could do as Youta says and appreciate the fact that we love someone right now. Given that choice, I at least see what I should be doing.
…
To be honest, love life and self-esteem is a bundle of issues that I still grapple with. Video Girl Ai hasn’t quite saved me from that. But, like everything else I write about, it’s given me food for thought, and thinking about it this way has actually helped me mature. Video Girl Ai speaks to my current life as a grown-up: a life that, as an adolescent popping that first fateful tape into my VCR, I had never imagined would be quite like this.
September 25, 2009 at 10:27 am
You’re a brave one aren’t you?!
I didn’t read the 2nd part because you actually got me very interested in Video Girl Ai. Not the most relatable thing for me, but it looks rather gorgeous. Also, the twist regarding the real girl being more artificial is rather delicious — and is a theme that ties in with what I’ve been exploring with much capricious enjoyment in Arararararararagimonogatari.
Lesson one is a good one indeed. Even idols like Baka-Raptor and lolikitsune have their flaws. Indeed, Minmay my idol of idols is one of the more flawed ones in anime history.
As for lesson two, you may want to check out these two posts (one by me, forgive my shamelessness; and one by me and my wife):
Rabu-rabu special: What Happens After the Anime Leads Get Together
and
We Remember Itazura na Kiss
I wouldn’t want to copypasta two posts worth of opinion ^_^ but I wanted to say that you’ve written on something interesting and relevant while being very intimate and personal. So kudos!
September 25, 2009 at 11:19 am
I’m reading the first link now and liking it. Cheers.
Even when I warn about spoilers, I try not to say too much. But I’m quite glad I got you interested in Video Girl Ai. You’re a very cultured guy when it comes to entertainment, so I think you’ll at least find something to like.
September 25, 2009 at 10:38 am
First off, I don’t think your love of Video Girl Ai is odd at all. People might have kinda forgotten about this show now, but not so long ago I knew of many who were in absolute awe of it..including myself. Intensity of feeling is this show’s forte.. I don’t know that what this mangaka has done since can compare with it.
On the personal stuff, I think your lessons are very important. Reality bites sometimes, and temporary escapes are nice, but it’s always important to return. Hanging tough is all it takes, good things come etc etc..
September 25, 2009 at 11:31 am
I”s came rather close, in my opinion. I devoured that entire manga in one very long night. I’m glad someone else remembers Video Girl Ai fondly, but word on the street says you’re not the average blogger.
“Hanging tough is all it takes, good things come etc etc..”
Most days I just hum “Someday My Prince Will Come” for a few minutes and move on.
September 25, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I’ve came across great reviews on this one so it’s not really retarded to have this as your fav anime. Good writings on the life lessons. kinda hit too close to home with this entry ^^”
September 25, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Well, it also wasn’t TOO hard to admit my lack of experience. I know quite a few of us get this way somehow. I just hope I can help somebody with these realizations.
Thanks for reading.
September 25, 2009 at 4:29 pm
What makes it even harder to simply shrug things off when a relationship doesn’t work out is when you were the one who made the first move and did the woo-ing, which most guys are expected to do, even in this day and age.
It’s not so easy to say “If they don’t like me, it’s their problem”, because guys would be in the position of ‘showing girls what they’ve got / what they have to offer’, like some buffet where girls have to make decisions based on the ‘dishes’ that come their way. In a way, this makes the whole letting go process harder for guys, from what I can see (not that it’s any easier for girls).
Being an NBSB myself, of course I’m utterly clueless as to the ingredients for a successful relationship. Definitely have those “Someday My Prince Will Come” thoughts too every now and then, but then I realize the things I can do while I’m single (like uhm, blogging? hehe), and I become happy again
Not exactly sure what this will do, but here goes my own ‘shoujo protagonist moment of epiphany‘ after a recent turn of events (which I initially thought was a ‘dream come true’)
P.S. You make me wanna watch Video Girl Ai too. And my backlog cries even more TT__TT
September 25, 2009 at 11:54 pm
I remember reading that epiphany on your blog way back when. I found it quite insightful at the time, even if you are writing from a different gender perspective.
You’re right; I wouldn’t have nearly as much time to do this Internet business if I were going out on dates all the time. And I’ve quite grown to like having people read my silly thoughts. Count your blessings, I suppose.
September 25, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Hmm, I can’t really think of an Anime Lived series that fits me. I don’t think any of my personal favorites have many similarities with my life; I guess I like them for different reasons.
And since you’re brave enough to admit it, I will too: I have also been single my whole life. But unlike you, I have never even been on a date or even asked out. Yeah, the anime obsession probably has something to do with it. I think, if you have something you’re that absorbed in, it would be best to find a partner who is also interested in it.
I may have to watch Video Girl Ai someday since it’s a favorite of yours =)
And “Someday My Prince Will Come” is a common theme in my house too.
September 25, 2009 at 11:58 pm
You could do one about Pokemon. I don’t think anyone could deny that that’s important to you.
I find it incredibly funny when hardcore anime fans interact for the first time. Unless it’s an obvious setting like an anime convention, we’re all so cautious and testing the waters, seeing where the other person draws the geek line. I can only imagine it gets more entertaining when the people involved actually like each other.
September 25, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Yours is the second post to convince me I really need to watch Video Girl Ai (first here: http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/buried-treasure/2007-04-19)
This is an excellent post and riddled with some Great Truths. Indeed, it’s hard coming to terms with the fact that putting the pussy on a pedestal will never get you anywhere – after all, humans are just human (srry, this is a meme that has never taken off). Great story, and I hope you’ll do more in this series if you have any!
September 26, 2009 at 12:01 am
It’s also a warning about freaking out over minutiae, which seems like something we fans will do quite naturally. It’s hard to be zen about love, but we can only try.
Thanks for reading. This was very hard, but I may try it again.
September 25, 2009 at 8:05 pm
For what it’s worth, I felt the manga was a lot better than the anime adaptation, not to mention it’s aged better. So if anybody out there wants to check out this series but can’t get past the relatively dated visuals, I would certainly recommend that alternative.
In any case, very thoughtful post, and surprisingly honest. Good luck with your potential romantic endeavors, I suppose. I recommend the Densha Otoko route.
September 26, 2009 at 12:08 am
“Better,” I can’t say for sure, but Katsura’s drawing style really is a treat that should be experienced first-hand. The details are gorgeous.
“the Densha Otoko route”
So I should bum around subways waiting for girls to get harassed by drunks. Sounds like a plan!
September 26, 2009 at 1:27 am
Oh boy, I remember this conversation. I do admire that you have a much deeper emotional investment in your favorite anime, makes some of us look really shallow in choosing our favorites (me included).
Rather than repeat the many tips and consolations you may have heard before, know that generally we have to temper our expectations. Some get lucky, but anime, manga, etc. are all enormous time investments that truly hinder us in knowing the typical social topics that everyone else just assumes are the norm. For example, I have almost NO knowledge of music whatsoever, and I always find it incredibly difficult just to converse with people to whom music is important in their lives (ie, most people). So, just in my head, I think we all start off with a little handicap, but who doesn’t enjoy a little challenge?
Now, considering your suave self, I think its only a matter of time till someone recognizes what a sexy, HOT nerd genius you are. ^_^
September 26, 2009 at 2:16 am
I can only imagine that conversing about music at length is much like talking about anime: Lots of “oh man, remember when X happened” and reciting lines in unison. But I notice that the best conversations use entertainment as a platform to talk about life. It’s an unpretentious way to philosophize, I guess.
“I think its only a matter of time till someone recognizes what a sexy, HOT nerd genius you are”
Yes, well, I couldn’t get you, so I have to keep looking. What can I say? You charmer.
September 26, 2009 at 6:24 am
Kind of like Ghostlightning, I didn’t read the second part (after the stairs video, which I did not watch), because I really want to watch this. I mean, a girl that comes out of a video? And it’s from the 90′s!? I’m there!
As for the question about why you don’t get girls, I can answer that easily. It’s the same reason I haven’t gotten any action in a million years (despite being pretty much the same as you described yourself, I mean, I go to the gym daily here):
http://glothelegend.wordpress.com/2008/12/20/formula-of-man-1st-law/#comments
This seems to be God’s will. I tell no one about my anime ambitions, and even still….sigh.
September 26, 2009 at 9:20 am
Aha, so they CAN tell. I knew it all along… And yet we just can’t give it up, can we?
Thanks for reading. And I’m glad you’re going to check out Video Girl Ai.
September 26, 2009 at 6:46 am
Another excellent and relatable post. I always enjoy reading your insights, but I never seem to find the words to comment.
I’ve heard good things about Video Girl Ai, but the old school art style is unappealing to me, even if the substance in plot makes up for it.
I believe there’s someone out there for everyone, and for some it takes longer than others to find. It’s an optimistic outlook, although I sometimes think I’m just resigned to bachelorhood.
September 26, 2009 at 9:25 am
I think it’s fine to be single in theory. We all go to our final reward alone, after all, so it’s better to like yourself than not. I’d just like to know the full spectrum of human experience, and that includes loving and being loved.
Thanks for reading– For the record, I’m perfectly okay with “I read this but I don’t know what to say except that I read this” comments.
September 26, 2009 at 8:13 am
Same deal here. I haven’t seen Video Girl Ai, but have heard good things.
I really like this post because I’m in the same boat. Well, almost. It’s still hard for me not to be tempted by all these modes of escapism. It seems like for every rejection or unrequited attraction that I face, there’s always that split-second where I try to comfort myself with an ill-founded justification. But at the same time, I try to stay upbeat about these things, and you should too!
September 26, 2009 at 11:23 am
The tricky thing is that we anime fans tend to do escapism so well. But I suppose acknowledging our neuroses is part of the coping process, too. And oh, what a cornucopia of issues…
Thanks for reading.
September 28, 2009 at 3:25 am
Speaking of escapism and Video Girl Ai, I pulled an all nighter to finish that one. But I agree that anime hobbies for me can have a detrimental effect socially. So hard. Great to hear people who have experienced and overcome it though.
September 28, 2009 at 11:44 am
Someone’s overcome it? Where? I want their autograph.
Thanks for reading. And for having the Video Girl Ai love.
October 1, 2009 at 9:40 am
Well huh. Y’know, I’ve been trying to articulate what it is I’m so fond of when it comes to Video Girl Ai. Considering that I became a fan of it watching WITH you, it figures that you’d be the one to help me put my finger on it. Katsura’s ultimate refusal to fall in line with the more shallow tropes of romantic comedy sets it above its competition.
Something else to note: one of my favorite aspects of the story is that Yota’s character arc isn’t based solely on changing himself to win the girl. Ultimately, in the manga anyway (long winded though it may be), Yota has to take responsibility for his own life and improve it for himself. His virtue is, of course, rewarded, but not before working toward bettering his own life without needing Ai or Moemi or any other girl to validate his existence.
I have more to say, ‘natch, but maybe when I’m not so busy all nighter-ing. I’d be remiss, however, to let you wax on about Video Girl Ai without chiming in.
October 2, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Between discussing it with you and the anime club president, I pretty much had this entry written last year.
The wonderful thing about Ai is that she never fixes Youta’s life, ever. If anything, she just multiplies his problems. But somehow that ends up being okay. I can’t say for sure, of course, but that feels a bit more like real life to me.
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May 16, 2010 at 12:10 am
I watched Video Girl Ai a very long time ago – in fact, I’m pretty sure I only saw the first two episodes, because that was the standard for American releases back then – two subbed episodes for about $30. Not very budget-friendly for a middle-schooler.
I think I may have to give it a second look – as I recall, my eleven year-old self’s impression of it was hung-up on some slight nudity and didn’t really catch onto much else.
May 16, 2010 at 12:23 am
Yes, absolutely! It really is a wonderful OVA, obscure though it may be these days.
Thanks for coming all the way back to this entry. I appreciate it.
(By the way, have you seen Seitokaicho ni Chukoku? Hearing Kyon’s voice as a seme is really embarrassing, somehow.)