“Teacher, I want to know things I don’t know
I want to see things I can’t see
Teach me, teach me, teach me”
- Soutaiseiriron, “Jigoku Sensei” (translation by wildarmsheero)
Let me describe a scene to you. It goes like this:
After lunch, in one of the third-year classrooms, five minutes before fifth period English. Kids are reading books, studying, talking at their desks. I’m at the front, reviewing the day’s lesson plan. Two third-year girls come up to me.
The one I don’t expect to talk, a short girl with a ponytail, starts asking me questions.
Her: Hey, sensei. At home, do you cook your own food?
Me: (Looking at the lesson plan) Mmhmm.
Her: What kind of food do you make?
Me: Japanese food, mostly.
Her: Do you prefer Japanese food or American food?
At this point, I’m beginning to notice that she’s talking to me an awful lot more than she usually does. But it’s rare, this kind of interaction, so I don’t mind.
Me: (Putting the lesson plan away) American, I guess.
Her: Does your girlfriend cook for you?
Ah-ha. This old game… At last it’s all clear, or so I think.
Me: That’s a secret!
Her: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: Secret.
Her: Do you want a girlfriend?
Oh-ho, clever! But I’m not falling for it.
Me: Hmm, who knows?
Her: Okay, then can I be your girlfriend?
Me: What?
Her: (In English) Sensei, I love you.
Me: Uh.
I want to say “You’ve got to be kidding,” but all my Japanese has magically evaporated.
Her: Where do you live? I’m gonna come live with you, is that okay?
I don’t say anything to that, but I put my arms up in an X, which in Japanese is convenient shorthand for “No way in hell.” But she’s persistent.
Her: Well, next year I’m going to be a high school student, how about then?
Friend: (Interrupting) Sensei, how old are you? (I tell them.) No way! You’re the youngest teacher in school!
Her: Oh my gosh, how dangerous! (Wait a minute, what’s dangerous? Me? Really?) Okay, then next year I’ll come live with you, all right?
Me: (Sigh. Time to stall.) Yeah, all right. Fine.
Her: Really??
Me: Yes, yes, sure.
Friend: He said sure! Isn’t that great?
My co-teacher comes in.
Me: (In English) Oh, finally you’re here, thank god. Save me!
Teach: Huh? What is it?
Her: Listen to this! When I become a high school student next year, I’m going to be his girlfriend and we’re going to live together. I’ll be sixteen! That isn’t bad, right? The age difference is fine, isn’t it?
Teach: Haha, yes, of course. Congratulations. (Fantastic save, sir. Thank you.) Well, let’s start class.
When you think about it, the age difference here was super creepy.
And we do. The girl never looks at me for the rest of the day. Still not quite sure if that was a joke. But she’s pretty, so either way, I’m sure she’ll find some nice guy in high school and forget all about me in time… Or rather, oh please god, make it so!
Really, though. Cute kid.
November 20, 2010 at 2:00 am
Easily the best post I’ve read all week.
Related personal question, what to you believe to be a “proper” age difference in relationships?
November 20, 2010 at 2:50 am
Glad you enjoyed it!
As for age difference… Well, in principle, I think anything is fine if it’s within legal boundaries, and nobody’s pretending to be something they’re not (see: a postgrad student going to his girlfriend’s junior prom, bit of a faux pas). But given the way people actually behave in real life, the “youngest age you can date = your age/2, plus 10″ formula seems to work out well enough.
November 21, 2010 at 12:56 am
Bernie Ecclestone is 80 and his gf is in her 30s… Close enough.
November 22, 2010 at 9:35 pm
So a 2 year old can date an 11 year old? :V Also, I would’ve taken up the offer, if I were you, and it wouldn’t get me arrested.
November 23, 2010 at 2:41 am
*and if it wouldn’t get me arrested
November 20, 2010 at 2:02 am
Considering the age gap varies with the times Usagi and Mamoru was weird but much of that was mitigated through the English dub being first contact for the Anglo-sphere. Also Yang and Frederica had a gulf when they first met, right now in Kuragehime Shu has ten plus years on Tsukimi. Age gap is not the issue it is your position relative to hers that makes it creepy and reportable to the authorities. Also it is her actual age that complicates things wouldn’t be so creepy were she 18 with the same age gap, at which point you’d probably get high fives instead. Shoujo gets way with it since the relationship is usually chaste, IRL is very different.
Pics or it didn’t happen, should have added a plug for Don’t Stand So Close to Me, all the more delicious because Sting was a teacher. Also no mention of GTO?
BTW having this post dovetail the one on sexual frustration was a piss poor idea, I am sure they will be watching you, sir.
November 20, 2010 at 2:53 am
I think it’d still be plenty creepy at 18 with the same age gap, personally… Age is only a number, and unfortunately that means legal adulthood amounts to beans psychologically.
If I were Sting, I would totally understand students falling for me.
But I’m not, so it’s just a funny story to share. Thanks for reading!
November 20, 2010 at 1:58 pm
So which celebrity would you say you look like? On a scale of Danny DeVito to George Clooney.
November 21, 2010 at 12:45 am
mrwan: Ever since I changed my hairstyle and glasses, people have been telling me very often lately that I look just like Clark Kent (or in Japanese, “Superman, y’know, before he goes into the phone booth”). Not a celebrity, but there you go.
November 20, 2010 at 2:15 am
I dated one of my students once, but I was a young (22) university lecturer, and she was 18 so that wasn’t so bad. Still I don’t recommend dating students or officemates unless you want your personal drama interfering with your personal productivity.
November 20, 2010 at 2:55 am
Wow, how scandalous.
But thanks for the advice!
November 21, 2010 at 12:58 am
I know a family like that. They live in SF Bay Area. 3 kids now. Hurr hurr.
November 20, 2010 at 2:25 am
I remember something similar happened to Azrael from Gaijin Chronicles. Is this a Japan-wide plot that middle school girls have to date a foreign teacher? Or is it maybe a plot to use said foreign teacher for WORLD DOMINATION? I guess we’ll never know until a teacher gives in to temptation…
November 20, 2010 at 3:04 am
They won’t find out today, that’s for sure…
Really, she’s a sweet kid, and it brightens my day whenever she comes out of her shell. But I still remember her busting into tears when her class won this year’s chorus contest. The girl’s still so young, and has so much of life to experience. Getting in the way of that– It wouldn’t cross my mind for a second.
Yeah. That’s me being serious for you. Happens rarely, so savor it.
November 20, 2010 at 2:37 am
I suddenly hate you.
November 20, 2010 at 2:46 am
Aw, come on, don’t be like that cupcake… But I admit, I did spend the rest of the day strutting around and feeling like the man.
November 20, 2010 at 11:05 am
I’ll feel better if I fap to some sensei-on-loli maybe… *turns on Kodomo no Jikan*
November 20, 2010 at 3:08 am
I thought it was age/2+7.
November 20, 2010 at 3:11 am
Is it? Well, normally I just use my gut for these things anyway. I haven’t yet met a May-December romance that I didn’t think was weird, but anything’s possible.
November 20, 2010 at 4:01 am
FFFFFFFFFF-
Ok, I will never imagine Jigoku Sensei the same way again.
November 20, 2010 at 5:09 am
Hmm. Did you not know that the song was about this subject?
November 20, 2010 at 6:16 am
I know, but that scenario turning real is highly amusing for me.
So is her sailor uniform a battle gear, too?
November 21, 2010 at 12:49 am
Sorry, middle school uniforms are quite boring.
November 20, 2010 at 4:54 am
Whoa, that’s quite a story. Did you say on Twitter that she’s coming for dinner? If so, then maybe she is serious…then you’ll have to gently turn her down and hopefully there won’t be any tears. Or maybe she’ll just forget about you on her own. Who knows…
November 20, 2010 at 5:08 am
Oh dear.
I am not bringing a junior high school student to my home! The person I mentioned on Twitter is a very nice woman who is comfortably of majority age.
Yes, I’m counting on the girl moving on, or just making a joke at my expense.
November 20, 2010 at 6:38 am
LOL, sorry, it’s just that that tweet came right after your tweet linking this post, and since you only said “She” I thought it was the same person. My bad…naturally it didn’t seem like something you would do, which was why I inquired XD
November 20, 2010 at 5:31 am
fffff
November 20, 2010 at 5:47 am
You know, I understand sort of in principle what this phrase means, but not really what you mean by it in this case… Think you could explain for me?
November 20, 2010 at 6:34 am
i think this one means envy
November 20, 2010 at 8:41 am
Oh. Okay. I thought maybe you were angry at me for something.
Well… I’m sorry?
I think your life is plenty interesting too, with cool internships at entertainment companies.
November 20, 2010 at 7:55 am
>I’ll be sixteen! That isn’t bad, right?
And I thought you were teaching cute little grade-schoolers. But it’s all old hags already!
November 20, 2010 at 8:42 am
I teach the cute little ones, too. It’s a flexible job.
November 20, 2010 at 8:23 am
Somewhere in the clouds an angel is putting a gold star next to your name for gracefully keeping at arm’s length a young girl who’s going through an infatuation, and doing so without crushing her feelings. Nicely done. I never have such trouble with my students, perhaps because I seem rather intimidating(!).
November 20, 2010 at 8:44 am
Intimidating? You? Inquisitive, humble and nice, maybe… But for all I know, in real life you’re seven feet tall and weigh 350 pounds of pure ‘roided-out muscle.
Thanks for reading!
November 20, 2010 at 10:35 am
I’m curious, do the Japanese see student teacher relationships as being ok if the age difference isn’t too big? Or even student teacher relationships in general regardless of age. Or is it still a big no no like in the West.
Since you’ve got a picture up there of Hanamaru Kindergarten, in that Anzu’s mom got married and pregnant to her teacher and it was seen as ok (and history looks like it will repeat with Anzu lol..), anywhere else the teacher would be in jail by now…It almost appears as if they are normalizing it.
November 21, 2010 at 12:53 am
Nope, definitely not okay! These things don’t automatically lead to jail time, though– In the case of Anzu’s dad, he probably just got quietly fired without any fanfare, since she was technically an adult and they were going to get married anyway.
Me, I’d go to jail, or possibly just deported. No thanks!
November 20, 2010 at 11:00 am
First half of the conversation reminds me of Senjogahara
November 21, 2010 at 12:55 am
That makes me Araragi, no?
November 20, 2010 at 1:13 pm
RED ALERT! RED ALERT!! Entering dangerous territory!!!
I’ve heard that girls who date teachers will expect special treatment, and better grades. And when they don’t get it – blackmail or worse.
November 21, 2010 at 12:56 am
Great! Good thing I won’t have to worry about that!
November 20, 2010 at 1:43 pm
Ah, cute teacher crushes. While my brain is ringing alarm bell about deceiving students, I am kind of interested in how this turns out. Almost makes me want to teach again. Almost.
November 21, 2010 at 1:03 am
You know, maybe I’ve been in this country too long, but I can’t see deception from these kids. Not on the level of blackmailing some foreign guy for better grades or what-have-you.
If anything interesting happens, I’ll keep everyone posted. For my own safety, naturally.
November 21, 2010 at 8:37 pm
I actually meant you deceiving that student that you will be interested in starting a relationship after she graduates when you in fact do not have such an opinion. My education force fed me so much about being truthful to patients that I automatically thought it might be a problem. However, if your preceptor/fellow teacher don’t see anything wrong with it policy wise, I don’t see a problem either.
But please keep us updated on your teaching adventures in Japan!
November 20, 2010 at 2:16 pm
HERE IT COMES!
Hang in there, sensei!
November 21, 2010 at 1:04 am
Thanks! がんばります!
November 20, 2010 at 3:26 pm
This made my day, and I feel bad about it.
Teacher crushes are all-too-common in non-coed schools. Especially in all-male schools, where any little affection towards the teacher can be spread like wildfire in the form of a rumour.
November 21, 2010 at 1:05 am
Don’t feel bad. I tried to make it entertaining.
I can only imagine the nightmare of all-girls schools. It isn’t all peacefulness and houkago tea time, from what I hear.
November 20, 2010 at 5:24 pm
I hope you know what to do~~~ *wink wink* *nudge nudge*
When in doubt, listen to your id.
In all seriousness though, and it’s probably because of my attending private schools, but I’ve never heard of a situation where a student likes a teacher. I feel kind of left out
November 21, 2010 at 1:08 am
You’re not missing much.
As a teacher, it’s just like being a teenager again, except with more accountability and my peers are a bunch of old guys who drink too much.
November 20, 2010 at 7:14 pm
Cute story. ^ ^
November 21, 2010 at 1:08 am
Glad you liked it!
November 20, 2010 at 8:35 pm
Let’s hope she isn’t a yandere!
November 20, 2010 at 11:15 pm
This is exactly what I thought of when I finished this post. Don’t stay alone after school, she seems like the typical “stalk my teacher and then take a bat to his legs so that he can be mind forever” type. I consider myself a stalker expert too…..although that’s only for anime.
November 21, 2010 at 1:09 am
Oh, you guys… Don’t put unnecessary fears into my head!
November 21, 2010 at 8:27 pm
All girls can go a little yandere sometimes…
November 20, 2010 at 9:33 pm
Whether you know it or not, your life has probably become dramatically more complicated. I’ll wish for the best outcome.
November 21, 2010 at 1:10 am
Oh, I know it, believe me… But in other ways. This thing with the kid is just a puppy crush; I can handle it.
November 20, 2010 at 9:55 pm
Does she smell nice? :3
ERRR I MEAN, to be honest I’ve always pictured you as Terada/CCS-pedo-teacher, but in a good way! A good, honest way! *nod nod* Hmm-hmmm!
I’m not sure why I associate all anime-fan teachers as Terada-sensei, but oh well. I trust that you will follow your heart!
November 21, 2010 at 1:10 am
Tall, chiseled and CLAMP-thin? I’ll take that compliment, thanks.
November 20, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Hilarious. Well told. Love the “congratulations” at the end!
November 21, 2010 at 3:08 am
Thanks for reading!… Seriously though, he didn’t help me at all.
November 20, 2010 at 10:19 pm
Congratulations! Joke or not, that’s at least some heavy flirting. And you said yes! What if she comes to collect? And does she know about your dark hobbies? Ha ha, I probably shouldn’t encourage you to give this serious any more serious thought than I already have!
It is supposed to be your age/2 + 7, but personally I’m in the “age is just a number” camp. I don’t see a problem as long as both people find each other romantically/sexually attractive. It’s pretty common for me to find middle teen girls physically attractive, but in the case of nearly all of them I would be rolling my eyes after less than five minutes of conversation. Of course there are always anime girls, like Holo from Spice and Wolf. She’s supposed to appear 15 in her human form, but she’s got more maturity and life experience than pretty much anybody…
November 21, 2010 at 3:11 am
I’m not a gambling man normally, but I will put my money on the possibility that she’s just going to forget about me. The alternative is a little too overwhelming.
November 21, 2010 at 12:41 am
Quick! Someone make this into an anime.
November 21, 2010 at 3:14 am
Hopefully it’s more Hanamaru Kindergarten and less Okusama wa Joshikousei.
November 21, 2010 at 6:39 am
Seeing the CCS picture made me go “uh-oh”. Teaching can be an adventure, it seems.
November 21, 2010 at 8:42 am
Why do you think I picked it?
Thanks for reading.
November 21, 2010 at 8:26 am
lol for a second I thought ‘you know, is it really safe for him to be discussing this online? Coul dhe get in trouble if someone found out? (esp with the comments?)’ but then I remembered lol you’re in Japan. I’m guessing this comes into account over your blogging in general?
November 21, 2010 at 8:42 am
Nobody who lives and works with me in Japan knows I blog… But even if they did, really, I think it’s harmless.
November 21, 2010 at 8:42 am
So isn’t the age of consent like 45 in Japan? Is polygamy still legal in there magical distant land?
I say, it must’ve been your devilish foreigner charms. And to think, you’re a teacher, surrounded by all those little dears just learning to control their libidos… I suggest starting to wear a mask.
November 21, 2010 at 8:45 am
As far as I know it’s the same as in the US. I’ve met people who swear up and down that the age of consent is thirteen, but those are the kind of people who… would research that kind of thing. Got away from them rather quickly!
Eh, I’ll be fine. To everybody else I’m still just the goofy foreign guy.
November 21, 2010 at 8:53 pm
That reminds me of the time when I went with my friends to Japan for our high school graduation trip, and being the anime fans that we are and the tendencies that entail that, we’d append even so much as a glance at a minor in uniform with “That’s a crime, you know.” That led to someone questioning the age of consent, which we looked up and found out that yes, it is 13. However, local governments can establish their own age of consent within their domain, and that overrides the country law, so yes, for all intents and purposes it’s the same as the US.
…Does that mean I’m banned from the blog now?
Nevertheless, entertaining post. Just watch your step.
November 21, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I agree with f0calizer, that was a nice way of handling it, though it’s a good thing that nobody over there knows you blog just in case it all gets horribly misunderstood by one of your paranoid peers on safeguarding grounds, like it might very well do over here in the UK. E.g.: at my previous workplace (a secondary school, my first teaching post) we were flat out told not to add any of our students on facebook, let alone socialise with them after school, not even the sixth formers (as if we would), and no doubt doing so would have been enough to get you hauled in for a stern talking-to if not a disciplinary. Whereas at my new job (at an FE college), I’ve noticed that many of the other lecturers are friends with their students on fb and no one else seems to bat an eyelid about it. Obv, most of our current students are over 16/ not classed as a vulnerable adult, so it’s different, but personally I would never risk it. Also, being female, it’s less likely that one of the boys would actually come up to me and say something like that, unless it was masked as banter in front of his mates, in which case I’d just bat it away/ make a joke of it too…
Sorry, for the tangential annecdotes, but in short I enjoyed your story and thought it was pretty cute and harmless because we all know you’re not a great big raging paedo, however I’d still watch your back, not so much for the kids but for any paranoid (i.e. jealous, lol) colleagues who may put 2 and 2 together and coe up with 5000! Thanks for sharing.
November 21, 2010 at 8:38 pm
I think Japan is just as prone to “the pedo hunt” as the west is, sadly. But my coworkers are also unfortunately very informed about my love life outside of school, so I don’t think anyone’s going to worry about this case.
Thanks for reading!
November 21, 2010 at 2:45 pm
I don’t stand out at all. I get mistaken for Japanese, and when I do introduce myself I look Asian so no pretty girls are ever interested me. I don’t have the white guy factor. Sigh. It’s like having solar hands for making better bread (thumbs up if you get the reference).
I guess even if I were to teach English no girl would come on to me like that
November 21, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Oh, the irony. I can’t stop laughing!
November 21, 2010 at 8:35 pm
Why, Wanderer, whatever could you mean?
But actually, I just happen to be seeing Kylaran (the commenter above) this weekend, by some twist of fate. Should be fun!
November 21, 2010 at 8:28 pm
Having observed the mating habits of foreigners over a long period… I find that obviously foreign people tend to attract people who are into obviously foreign people. And that can be good! But it can also be not so good.
Patience. And use your loud American voice. We’ll give it a try this weekend.
November 22, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Do give me notice prior of when you’re coming.
I have class Saturday morning, but I’m free in the afternoon. Friday and Sunday are no problem. Also, tell me where you want to go!
On that note, I have noticed that foreigners that get into a relationship in Japan tend to continue using English because their partner is interested in dating a foreigner. Although there’s a cute kouhai I’m interested in amongst the 1st years in my circle, I’m hesitant to make a move because the language barrier is so much more daunting when the other person has no real interest in foreign things (all Japanese like foreign things a tiny bit at least).
November 21, 2010 at 7:02 pm
I saw in one of the comments further up that you advocated for the age/2 + 10 formula. Wow, thanks for making me feel like a creep…
I had a crush on my sports’ coach once. But I was totally embarrassed by it and didn’t tell a soul until years after the fact. I never had a crush on a teacher or professor.
November 21, 2010 at 8:23 pm
Well, that’s just for the average mental/physical age gap. Anything’s possible in theory. Don’t feel too bad.
November 21, 2010 at 8:30 pm
You are so screwed, I bet her 兄貴 is ヤクザ. LOL >:D
Interesting way to handle it, but amused by that other teacher XD… it’s probably best to stay neutral, simple because telling young people “No” usually has an opposite effect.
November 21, 2010 at 8:40 pm
Oh god, we actually do have yakuza here. Fingers crossed!
Yes, I figure just keeping her at arm’s length until she moves on to some other guy is best. Not a very decisive thing to do, but probably the most effective.
November 22, 2010 at 4:04 pm
Cute story ^o^
I still can’t take her words very seriously, but who knows ~o~
don’t worry I don’t judge age gaps ;D
November 23, 2010 at 11:18 pm
Watashi mada joshi kousei de itai yo!
January 2, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Hi, I’m new here. You’re a teacher in Japan. But it looks like you’re not Japanese. I don’t know much about the youngsters there, but if you ask me she is just fantasizing about love. You should have kept rejecting to see how serious she was. If it was just a puppy love, which seems to be the case now, she would start hating you.
Nowadays love in middle school is just a toy or a game teens try to play with different game rules. Nothing will come out of it. Instead they will feel disappointed and most likely also disgusted with theirselfs in the future.
Btw I joined in here from The Cartdriver. I’m a student who will become a teacher middle school in 3 years.(middle and high school are merged in Belgium)
Yoroshiku~! =_=
January 21, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Had a Hanamaru Kindergarten period in my life where this one girl fell for me. She clung onto me and was teased by the other kids for wanting to be around me all the time.She was young and innocent and didn’t know better, but she did know about Dragon Ball and Sailor Moon, so I guess she had good tastes.
Luckily the other teachers were helpful during the more awkward moments.
The only thing that frustrated me was why girls my age didn’t fall for me like that! Bah.
February 3, 2011 at 8:31 am
Lolol my ex-girlfriend, two years younger than me, was somehow placed in an architecture class I was tutoring last year (I was 21). It was my first trimester tutoring a class and I was stuck with such an awkward situation, seeing as the rest of the tutor group knew we were dating and I knew some of them through her previously.
Guess that’s as close as I’ll ever get to dating a student haha. But man, I know what you mean about awkward situations. I had to live with it for half a year.
I can still remember all the stares I got when I gave back the assignment grades >_<
August 11, 2012 at 8:12 pm
I always get a kick out of this post every time I read it.
This kinda reminds me of a student I tutored not too long ago. We had worked on stuff together before, and I knew they had a tendency to get easily distracted. In the middle of a session, they suddenly asked “How old are you?” quickly followed by “Are you single?” I somehow managed to get through the rest of the session without giving a definitive answer to either. I just couldn’t help but think of this post, because there’s about a 10 year age gap between us – only, in my case I was the younger one.